Posted by: angelasommers | August 16, 2008

The sky came crashing down…..

I have to mention that throughout this whole ordeal my family has been incredibly supportive and understanding.  While I was in the hospital, my husband came and encouraged me and made me feel like I could go and rip out trees any second now!  He never had anything negative to say whatsoever and with his great sense of humor kept me going through some pretty rough times.

I also have to thank Grandmaster Tae Yun Kim, my Martial Arts Master, for her visits and her continuous encouragement.  She has a way of lifting away the fog of despair and gloom and lets the sunshine back in your heart. 

About a couple of months after the embolism, things started to snowball and ended up almost overwhelming me.  For starters, they thought I might have breast cancer and I had to have a biopsy on each side.  Just when it turned out that was ok, I found out that my mother had just passed away.  Since she was living in Austria (like the rest of my family….I was born and raised there) it was quite the journey back there – not to mention it was the first time in 28 years I had been there, in fact the first time since I came to America!  I still had chest pains, they still hadn’t determined where the embolism had come from, but of course I had to go….saddest time in my life….she was 71 years old, but so full of life and laughter…

Then when I came back I got a call from the lung specialist – she called on a Sunday and scared the heck out of me – that my last echogram revealed that I might have the beginnings of pulmonary hypertension, and for me not to be alarmed, but just come in for an angiogram.

What on earth is pulmonary hypertension?  What’s an angiogram?  After I looked it up I felt even worse…was I going to die?  Holy Cow!  It sounded very serious, dangerous, and I was getting scared. 

I think the biggest thing was not knowing anything about these things.  That was scarier than the procedures themselves.  I did get nervous. I tried all my meditation techniques I knew, prayed a lot, and just tried to remain calm.

 Don’t laugh now, but I did start thinking about my own funeral arrangements, and I did make a will.  So the day came and had a friend drop me off – my husband was out of town and I was going to be brave and just get it over with. 

No, it didn’t kill me.  The doctor that performed the procedure was wonderful.  He had great doctor-patient manners and made me feel very comfortable.  He knew what he was doing, he was confident, but not overconfident, and he was very focused. 

(this is not me in the picture, but I went through exactly the same thing….)

All was ok – and I was way drugged up – but once the probe went into my heart I thought it was going to come right out of my mouth.  My heart didn’t like it and I felt my heart was going to jump out of my throat too.  The doctor commented how unusually irritable my heart was, and also, that my blood was forming clots around the probe as he was inserting it into my lungs.  Once again,  my Jung SuWon training came in very handy in the most unexpected place.  Without that, I might have freaked out a few times, but I was able to breathe calmly and just focuse on all the positive things….and before I knew it I was in recovery and on the way home…..

(strange thing is, he said those things in the OR, but never put it into his report….)

Anyhow….more on all that later…

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Responses

  1. you definitely have a high spirit….


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